Your child is being bullied online: a calm plan for parents

Listen first, fix second

If your child tells you they're being bullied online, they've already done the hardest part. Kids Help Phone notes that young people often find it hard to speak up, often because they're afraid of losing device privileges or friendships.

So start by listening. Don't minimize it ("just ignore them") and don't jump straight to action. Ask what happened, who is involved, how long it has been going on, and how they're feeling. Tell them you're on their side.

Then include them in what comes next. Kids Help Phone advises involving the young person in any reporting. A plan they helped make is one they're more likely to stick with, and it gives back some of the control the bullying took away.

Save, block, report

1. Save first. Take screenshots of messages, posts and comments, with the account names and dates visible. Don't delete anything until you have a copy. A record makes reporting easier.
2. Don't respond. Replying in the heat of the moment usually makes things worse. Take a breath.
3. Block the person or accounts involved.
4. Report the posts or messages to the platform and ask for them to be taken down. Each platform's help centre lists its current reporting steps, and menus can move between versions.

If it's happening in a group chat or game, the same order applies: save, step back, block, report.

Working with the school

Even when it happens on phones at night, online bullying between classmates usually spills into school. Kids Help Phone notes it can be reported under the school's bullying prevention policy. Bring your screenshots, stick to what happened, and ask what the next steps are and when you'll hear back.

In Québec, every school must have a plan to fight bullying and violence, adopted by the governing board and updated each year. The plan has to say how to report an incident or make a complaint, how confidentiality is protected, and what consequences apply. When a complaint is made, the principal must promptly contact the parents of the students involved.

If you're not satisfied with how the school follows up, you can complain to the person responsible for complaints at your school service centre, and then to the regional student ombudsman, whose contact details must be posted in the school. A report to the school never replaces the police or youth protection (the DPJ), which you can contact at any time. Details are on Québec.ca.

Elsewhere in Canada, ask the school for its bullying policy and how complaints are handled.

When it's a police matter

Most online meanness is not a crime, but some of it is. Public Safety Canada lists Criminal Code offences that cyberbullying can involve, including:

• sharing intimate images without consent
• criminal harassment, such as repeated messages that make someone fear for their safety
• uttering threats
• intimidation and extortion
• identity theft, like pretending to be your child online

If your child's safety seems at risk, call the police. In an emergency, call 9-1-1. If an intimate image is involved, see our guide on getting it taken down: NeedHelpNow.ca helps young people under 18 with removal.

Support for your child, and for you

Bullying can leave a child feeling alone even after it stops. Keep checking in over the following weeks, keep the usual routines, and make room for time with the friends who are on their side.

Kids Help Phone reminds young people that if the first adult they tell isn't helpful, it's okay to tell someone else. You can say the same to your child: a teacher, a coach, a counsellor or Kids Help Phone all count.

And look after yourself. It's hard to watch your child be hurt. In Québec, LigneParents offers free, confidential support for parents.